One night at around 1am, my 1st-year university residence roommate
Jason had gone to bed, but I was still at my computer a few minutes
after he'd hit the sack. While doing some other stuff, I was
listening to MP3s with my headphones on, and came across Drew Carrey's
'101 Big Dick Jokes.' I tried to contain my laughter so as not to
bother Jason, but I lost it when Drew got to 'My dick is so big, it has
an elbow,' and Jason asked what I was laughing at, so I turned on my
speakers so he could hear. A few minutes later, while on my way
to bed, I was in the washroom and started coming up with a few big dick
jokes of my own, then started getting Jason to make some up, too.
Before long, I realized that I had to write these down, because some of
them were absolutely hilarious, and we had 3 pages, and it was
5am. A few days later, we posted it on our residence door, with
space at the bottom (or rather, 5th page) for my floor-mates to add
descriptions of the immensity or their own dicks. I tied a pen
for them to use to our doorknob with dental floss (heck, I only had
110yards of the damn stuff). I considered making a 'My Boobs are
so Big' page, but never got around to it (I liked 'My boobs are
so big, I can sleep standing up,' though). Please email me your
own big dick jokes, and mention which of these are your
favorites! mcapewell [at] gmail [dot] com
Someone once suggested we get a video camera and go around campus
getting guys to say these lines while acting all macho. Hahahaha,
that's brilliant : ).
DREW'S DICK
My dick is so big it won't return Spielberg's calls
My dick is so big it was once overthrown by the military coupe; it's
now known as the Democratic Republic of My Dick
My dick is so big I'm already fucking a girl tomorrow
My dick is so big there was a movie called "Godzilla vs My Dick"
My dick is so big the head of has only seen my balls in pictures
My dick is so big Hank Aaron used it to hit his 750th homerun
No matter where I go, my dick always gets there first
My dick is so big I use the Eiffel Tower as a French tickler
It's so big that when it rains, the head of my dick doesn't get wet
My dick is so big I'd wear it as a tie if I weren't so afraid of
getting a hard-on and killing myself
My dick is so big my mom was in labour for three extra days
My dick is so big I use a hoola-hoop as a cock-ring
My dick is so big King Kong is going to crawl up it in the next remake
My dick is so big I could fuck an elevator shaft
My dick is so big it has its own Wheaties box
My dick is so big every time I get hard I cause a solar eclipse
If you cut my dick in two you can tell how old I am
My dick is so big that we're all a part of it and its all a part of us
My dick is so big that it has its own dick, and even my dick's dick is
bigger than your dick!
My dick is so big it has a spine
My dick is so big it has stairs up the center like the Statue of Liberty
My dick is so big I'm its bitch!
My dick is so big it's against the law to fuck me without protective
headgear
My dick is so big Stephen Hawking has a theory about it
NASA once launched a space probe to search for the tip of my dick
The inside of my dick contains billions and billions of stars
My dick is so big movie theatres now serve popcorn in small, medium,
large, and My Dick
My dick is so big that when it's Eastern Standard Time at the tip, it's
Central Mountain Time at my balls
My dick is so big that when I get a hard-on, my eyebrows get pulled
down to my neck
My dick is so big it has an agent… my dick's people will call your
people… let's have lunch with my dick
OUR DICKS
My dick is so big that I don't have a dick – it has me
My dick is so big I divorced it to get half its money
My dick is so big I don't need a car jack
My dick is so big Nostradamus predicted it
My dick is so big I can't move
My dick is so big it can play a whole big band orchestra at once
My dick is so big it's got its own landing strip
My dick is so big seismographs predict my next ejaculation
It's a bird! It's a plane! No, it's My Dick!
My dick is so big that if I get an erection, it circles the world and
pokes me in the back of the head
My dick is so big the statistical average penis size doubled when I was
born
My dick is so big I have to tie it down before I go to bed
My dick is so big Stephen King wrote a book about it
My dick is so big that when I get an erection, the rest of my body
becomes transparent
My dick is so big that when I get a hard-on, the tide comes in
My dick is so big it pulls the moon out of orbit
My dick is so big it has a moon
My dick is so big it has its own theme song
My dick is so big Mike Tyson tried to bite its ear off
My dick is so big that when I die, A.D. will mean "After the Dick"
My dick is so big it went triple Platinum
My dick is so big it won more Oscars than Titanic
My dick is so big that the FBI keeps tabs on it
My dick is so big it's an amusement park ride
My dick is so big that it's had assassination attempts
My dick is so big the head sends me postcards
My dick is so big that my country no longer needs interceptor aircraft
My dick is so big boats use it to navigate instead of the North Star
My dick is so big I can't take it to work
My dick is so big I work for it
My dick is so big I had to be circumcised with dynamite
My dick is so big my piss rains over Texas
My dick is so big Monty Python did a sketch about it
My dick is so big Bill Gates wants to buy it… but can't afford it
My dick is so big I can give blood every 20 minutes
My dick is so big it is the FBI
My dick is so big it became a new dimension.
My dick is so big it goes to classes for me
My dick is it's own army
My dick is so big I named it The Big Bang
My dick is so big it's the center of our galaxy
My dick is so big it's measured in astronomical units
My dick is so big there's now a Nobel Dick Prize – and I win every year
My dick is so big it redefines male itch
My dick is so big I buy pants with three legs
My dick is so big it's above the law
My dick is so big it has its own cleaning crew
My dick is so big I sell pubic hairs as ropes
Ride overseas via My Dick!
My dick is so big we don't need rockets to get into space anymore
My dick is so big my mother felt violated when I was born
My dick is so big it gets Air Miles when I'm excited
My dick is so big that I've accidentally killed nine people
My dick is so big people don't realize there's a person attached to it
My dick is so big it's the judge, jury, and attorney
My dick is so big that I said Nile not Mile
My dick is so big I use the Nine Rings of Hell as cock rings
My dick is so big that when I skydive, it's already on the ground when
I jump
My dick is so big it blinks
My dick is so big I don't need to remove any ribs
My dick is so big I received head from the great state of Michigan
My dick is so big I can screw the Chunnel
My dick is so big I'm a new species – Homo Gigantadickien
My dick is so big it can be used as a life-preserver at sea
My dick is so big it would've saved the Titanic and all the people on
board
My dick is so big it IS the unsinkable
My dick is so big I tip cows with it
My dick is so big it plugs the ozone hole
My dick is so big I can refuel jets in flight… from my backyard
My dick is so big I'm pissing stuff I drank three days ago
My dick is so big I could dam the Nile
My dick is so big plants grow on it
My dick is so big it needs its own bed
My dick is so big that Tropicana sunscreen went bankrupt
My dick is so big you'll think it's a banana tree in my pocket
My dick is so big I put out a burning building
My dick is so big that whales hit on me
My dick is so big I make millions at the sperm bank
My dick is so big that I can't have sex
My dick is so big it attracts lightning
My dick is so big I don't write my name in the snow – I write it on
glaciers
My dick is so big I've lost small children in it
My dick is so big it once ruled the Roman Empire
My dick is so big it's a superhero
My dick is so big I can't put it away
Superman has two weaknesses: Kryptonite and My dick
My dick is so big I have to be careful not to flush it down the toilet
My dick is so big it hosted Saturday Night Live
My dick is so big it sheds its skin every year
My dick is so big it's been on Leno four times
My dick is so big that like the British Empire (before Hong Kong was
given back to China), the Sun never sets over my dick
My dick is so big that the monsters in Tremors were played by my dick.
My dick is so big it scored better than me on the SATs
My dick is so big that I won the 100m dash in 1.4 seconds thanks to the
chick doing the long jump.
My dick is so big that the Imperial distance measurements are as
follows: 12 inches to a foot, 3 feet to a yard, 4998 yards to a
mile, and 18 miles to 1 My Dick
My dick is so big it's longer than this joke
My dick is so big that if I turn around too fast, there's a sonic boom.
My dick is so big that, if I weren't circumcised, I could smuggle large
quantities of illicit drugs in my foreskin
My dick is so big that its length has more digits than pi
My dick is so big that it's three years younger than me due to the
effects of Special Relativity
My dick is so big that it thinks for me (nuthin' new there!)
My dick is so big I'm expendable
My dick is so big it's visible from space
My dick is so big it has it's own heart
My dick is so big that it won at American Gladiators
My dick is so big that I'm an undefeated jouster
My dick is so big that if I get lost I can follow it back to
civilization
My dick is so big that I always lose at the limbo
My dick is so big that it gets bigger screams than the Beatles
My dick is so big that Elvis is no longer The King
My dick is so big it has its own wardrobe
My dick is so big that I bench press it
My dick is so big that it can bench press me
My dick is so big that people rub it for good luck
My dick is so big that people ask it for advice
My dick is so big people climb it for sport
My dick is so big that I climb it to get a better view of things
My dick is so big that it has a cult following
My dick is so big I never feel alone
My dick is so big that I was hired to whitewash the Whitehouse
My dick is so big that I have to iron it
My dick is so big it has its own political system
My dick is so big my sperm look like tadpoles
My dick is so big they use a fire hose as a catheter
My dick is so big I need machinery to masturbate
My dick is so big it's a tourist attraction
My dick is so big it's the eighth wonder of the world
My dick is so big every time I get a hard-on it goes through
immigration in China
My dick is so big I have to use a salad bowl as a jock
My dick is so big I use weather balloons as condoms
My dick is so big I always win at three legged races
My dick is so big I need a wind tunnel to get a blowjob
My dick is so big I just don't care anymore when cars hit it
My dick is so big that at McDonald's, you can get My Dick Happy Meals
with little replica toys inside, except my dick is so big that even the
small replicas are bigger than your dick
My dick is so big a guru sits at the top of it
My dick is so big it puts the Hubble telescope to shame.
My dick is so big it has it's own postal code.
My dick is so big it is it's own biggest fan!
YOUR DICKS
My dick is so big it's been flushed down the toilet
My dick is so big I shagged a girl in France
My dick is so big I got a bone and passed out
My dick is so big long-distance relationships are no problem for me
My dick is so big I use it as a belt
My dick is so big I use it for warmth in the winter
My dick is so big I use it to press the spacebar
My dick can beat up your dick
My dick is so big I drill oil with it
My dick is so big I always strike rich
My dick is so big it gets caught in trees
My dick is so big I use it as a sail
My dick is so big chicks think it's an all-you-can-eat buffet
My dick is so big farmers think it's a silo
My dick is so big tourists mistake it for the CN tower
y2dzdydx defines my willy
My dick is so big tree-huggers hug it
My dick is so big did a strip-tease and I poked her eye out
My dick is so big I have to strap it to my leg
My dick is so big its volume is an indefinite integral
My dick is so big exotic dancers use it as a pole
My dick is so big climbing is required to mount me
My dick is so big porn movies starring me must be in imax
My dick is so big I can rape myself
My dick is so big my balls are going to be used as props on the next
Indiana Jones movie
My dick is so big morning erections scare me more than my nightmares
My dick is so big I can only drive convertibles
Blow me if you can!
My dick is so big that I wish it were smaller
My dick is so big you actually feel sorry for me
(note here: I wrote the 'I wish it were smaller' joke, then the
father of my neighbor in rez wrote the last one!)
My dick is so big it can fit in a floor rep's mouth
My dick is so big you can see the tip of it only with the Hubble
telescope
My dick is so big I attract black holes
My dick is so big it IS the stairway to heaven
My dick is so big the rings of Saturn are tight-fitting cock-rings
My dick is so big that it puts the equator to shame
My dick is so big I can't breathe
My dick is so big my income is made by selling rides to all the men,
women and children
My dick is so big I use it to club baby seals
My dick is so big that it wanders off by itself.
My dick is so big I use it to club full grown seals
NEW DICKS
My dick's so big, John Wayne Bobbitt and 15 others could have had
transplants.
My dick's so big they don't make camera's big enough to photograph it.
My dick is so big that when I peed off the side of a boat, I capsized 6
ships.
My dick is so big that I don't own a table -- I just eat off my dick.
My dick is so big, I need a beacon to keep planes from hitting it
My dick is so big that between the hours of 3pm and 6pm, I can legally
use the carpool lane.
My dick is so big it could clog a black hole.
My dick is so big it merged with AOL.
My dick is so big it makes a Yotta seem small (1 YottaByte = 2^80
bytes. 1 GB = 2^30 bytes)
My dick is so big I don't have a name for it -- IT has a name for ME!
[ March 4, 2003 ][ 1-4 ryans_mom ] [
5 dpiccini ] [ 6
Tony Gaspro ] [ 7, 8 Drew McClain ] [ 9 Jason Annable ] [ 10 Michael
Capewell ]
My dick is so big that its Big Dick Joke doesn't need a punch-line. [me]